Rooted

I was having a conversation recently with my almost 10 year old son about his fear of starting a conversation with peers he did not know well. I asked him to describe the worst thing that could happen if he did.  He said, “They might not like me.”  Whoa.  The worst thing that can happen to you is they “won’t like you.” Not death or a life threatening situation, but not being liked elicits this much fear in a 10 year old. The more I thought about it, the less surprised I actually was.  

Isn't it funny that when you ask adults why we might shy away from the very same thing or even where their fear of public speaking comes from, you typically get similar responses. 

 Perhaps its articulated a bit differently:

• “I fear they won't accept me.”

• “I’m afraid they won’t like my ideas or agree with me.”

• “They might reject me.”

• “I might sound stupid.” 

This got me thinking about my role as a mom in helping him find security and confidence in who he is in spite of the many rejections life will throw his way.  After all, I do believe it is through rejection, hardships, adversity, and failure that we learn who we really are and begin to shape our values.  It’s when we begin to emotionally mature- to grow up- to evolve.

I think the role of leaders is the same.  To hang on relentlessly to our values, even in the face of disapproval, sabotage, and revenge.  To continue to evolve so that we can possess enough emotional maturity to lead those we serve into uncertainty and to know when our attempts to rescue them may be interfering with their own growth, their own evolution. 

One way we do this is by clearly communicating what we stand for and holding firm, even when it means risking unpopularity, rejection, and even removal. We remain open, yet rooted in our principles. We open the doors for real progress and support growth in the emotional maturity of those we serve.  

Approval and affirmation must feel really shallow compared to the courage that comes when we choose to stay “rooted.”