What Silence Reveals
About a month ago, I met with a trusted mentor and he shared some advice that is starting to become life changing for me. His advice was to sit in silence for at least 3 minutes a day. This means zero distractions- no noise, radio, book, cell phone, or sounds of others talking. Zero distractions. His exact words were, “Watch how this changes your life and perspective.”
He was sharing this advice 3 years into a major career change he had made for himself. He left a job that had become a race up the career ladder. He didn’t like who he was becoming or what he allowed a “job” to do to his health and, at times, his character. He was chasing the next “rung” because that would mean success. Success would bring happiness right? He explained that he never sat still or sat in silence because he wasn’t comfortable with where his thoughts would go. Those thoughts in silence would remind him that he was no longer comfortable with his identity as a father, husband, uncle, or friend, because had allowed himself to over identify with this job title- boss, leader, supervisor, chief. A mentor had given him the same advice he was giving me - Find your silence and sit in it for at least 3 minutes a day. He took the challenge and a year later walked away from his title and into his calling. He began to rethink what a calling was and landed on the idea that a calling isn’t one dimensional or always referring to our lives outside our homes and families. He opened my eyes to the idea that a calling is not “what we are doing”, but rather it is “our being.”
I have been taking the silence challenge for about a month now and whoa. I can honestly say I didn't realize how uncomfortable I had allowed myself to become with sitting and not doing anything except for thinking. I am guilty of glorifying “ busyness.” I vulnerably admit I walk a dangerous line of overidentifying with my work and job often, always in a struggle for balance. What this silence has reminded me about 2 minutes in each time is of the beauty of the many roles we hold. For me those are mom, wife, friend, colleague, peer, aunt, sister, daughter, and servant. About a month in, I am working through the regret and guilt that comes from the choices associated with overidentifying. I am finding peace and clarity. And joy. Joy from the reminders and permission to invest in these other roles and relationships. Joy from being genuinely present in all my roles and relationships.
As leaders, how do we prioritize silence for ourselves so we can lead from a place of balance, clarity, peace, and joy? How can we support each other from overidentifying with our work and titles? After all, a life of service starts with loving yourself and “being” who we were called to be.